On Sex

When I broke up with the Ex, one of the things I grieved most ... ya know, other than the obvious I thought this was it ... and the fact that I had waded through a year of long-distance to be with him when I could have been making out with a slew of other Peace Corps volunteers (and, possibly, Romanians)

Though, let me backtrack for a second. I'm not against 'going native' (ha, I love using that purely for how ridic inappropriate it is) on principle or anything. The thing about Romania is that the sexual politics are completely reverse than the US. In the US, and let me put this plainly, if you ask a given guy or girl (a) how many people they've performed oral sex on versus (b) how many people they've slept with, (a) will mostly likely be higher than (b). Well, in Romania, (a) would be practically non-existent. That's right - oral sex is something you do when you're REALLY serious. Maybe even something you do after a number of years of marriage when you're trying to spice it up.

There was even a case someone was nice enough to relate to me -- a Peace Corps volunteer I knew, we'll call her Mary, was dating a Romanian pretty seriously. But the first time they hooked up, she went to go down on him and almost immediately he pushed her away and called her a slut. Not in the dirty talk way, but in the sure knowledge that she was in fact a prostitute. Good times? Still being a dude, I think he eventually came around and was suddenly OK with the extra effort. But, as far as I know, she never received any sort of reciprocation.

So, being a girl who doesn't like stepping on eggshells or having things set off-limits, I wasn't jumping on the Romanian dude bandwagon.

But, back to the Ex. Beyond the fact that I was getting over the fact that I thought someone was that ever-elusive "One" (fucking naive, I know), I was also grieving... the sex.

Not just the sex, of course. But the fact that I had him trained. I'd say 'we had each other trained' but he wasn't the most open of people, so it was a lot of me talking and him saying 'yeah, that sounds cool'. Yeah... that problem kinda extended to other aspects of the relationship, but, a post for another time.

But, in a relationship, you usually take your time getting to a point where you open up. Likes and dislikes, preferences and extreme distaste. Otherwise, and then exclusively sexually. For some, that might happen fairly quickly. As for me, I don't really like opening up about that shit until I'm pretty sure someone is going to stick around. Too much work, and too much disappointment.

As for the Ex, we had it worked out. Or, to my even greater disappointment, we had spent the last year of long distance TALKING about working it out. Lot of talk, not a whole lot of action -- not much action to be had when you get dumped five weeks after re-entering the country.

So not only does the thought of having to learn everything (the infamous life story exchange) about someone new still make me feel slightly sick to my stomach -- but the thought of having to start all over sexually makes me feel simultaneously excited and completely exhausted.

Oh and PS receiving the box you ordered from a sex toy store the day after you get dumped... filled with pretty much everything you spent an entire year talking about ... real good times.